Six women shared their perimenopause and menopause experiences with us over zoom. Read what they have to say in their own words.

I’m a special ed teacher. We have two kids. One very old, and a one year old. And two grandkids. This one here was a surprise. I’m 47. She’s the change-of-life baby. Yeah, a lot of people in my family had a change-of-life baby. I thought it was a myth, but apparently not.

How did you initially feel when you realized that you had started the process?

I was happy. No more periods. Yes! No more cramps! I was happy about that part.

Nobody else tells you about all this stuff you got to go through. Some days you’re hot. Some days you’re cold. People in my family hate when I have to keep changing the temperature.

I am going to do hormone therapy. I’m praying that is going to work. I made my decision about my treatment by going on Google, and discussing with my doctor.

Do you have any advice for other women who are going through the menopause transition?

Do your research. Talk to your gynecologist about what’s best for you. Just take your time, do what’s best for you. Don’t rush into anything. Just because Sally’s doing this therapy, and Mary’s doing that therapy… You want to see what’s best for you. What are your options. Everybody’s different. But you know, at least you’re not the only one who is going through this.

My mother and her sisters, they never discussed menopause. We just know they went through a change. People think your sex life is over. Which is not true. Your partner, your significant other, if he really loves you he can be patient.  You have to figure out what works for you guys.

If you could go back and tell yourself one thing about perimenopause and menopause before you started, what would it be?

You still can get pregnant until you are finished with the menopause transition.

I’m 50 years old. My last period was about two and a half years ago. Once I had a hysterectomy, my period disappeared. I kept my ovaries, and I knew [menopause] was coming. I’m trying to manage it as best I can. I’m okay with it, knowing that it won’t be here forever.

When I first started menopause symptoms, I was a little bit confused. I wasn’t 100% sure if it was [menopause] or if I was sick. But very quickly, I figured out what it was. I was anxious.  I like to control things and know when they’ll begin and when they’ll end and I really had no idea how long this would last. The first symptom of menopause I felt was the night sweats – just waking up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat. Even if it was a really cool night or even if the air conditioner was on. I actually thought I had COVID. And then in the daytime I would be in a supermarket and suddenly feel very hot and start sweating.

I feel very comfortable talking to my gynecologist.  He’s very good about stuff like this. He would immediately explain to me what I was in for and what was happening.

When I started not being able to sleep as well because I was having night sweats, I did ask my primary doctor for sleeping pills and he suggested something more natural like melatonin. As far as lubricants, I always had them.  I just never really had a need to use them and I started realizing I needed to use them more. So I did. There’s nothing more, other than maybe just fanning myself.

I started experiencing anxiety and a little bit of depression, probably around five months ago, and I assumed like everyone else that it was due to the pandemic. There are days that the littlest thing can set me off and make me irritable or crabby. I’ve googled it and realized, “Oh, it’s part of menopause.” My primary doctor didn’t mention that to me.

Do you have any advice for other women who are going through the menopause transition?

Just embrace it and live with it. Don’t be upset over it or feel like your life is over or you’re not a woman anymore. You’re every bit of a woman. It’s completely normal. And it’s not going to be forever, from what other people tell me. So just deal with it as best you can and don’t worry about it so much.

Don’t be afraid to talk about it. Even with my primary doctor – when I went in with anxiety – I probably should have mentioned the night sweats. And he probably would have realized right away it was menopause. If I had known before that it wasn’t such a big deal, I would have been more open about it.

I definitely am grateful for my female friends who have gone through it or will go through it or are going through it with me for giving me advice and sharing stories.

I am 38 years old. I just got married in June. I work as a graphic designer. In my free time, I like to hike. I’m very outdoorsy, big on camping, things like that. I don’t like to be at home very much or watch much TV because I’m pretty active and out there. No kids for us, but that’s okay. We’re just gonna live our best lives and travel and do as much fun things as we can.

How does menopause make you feel?

Going through menopause is definitely not anything like I would have expected and I definitely wasn’t prepared for it. Mine was surgical. Whereas most women have a natural progression of menopause. They go through it in five to 10, even 15 years. Mine was very abrupt. It hit me a lot harder than I could have ever imagined. I had surgery and went into immediate menopause. I’m about to hit my six month mark.

I knew surgery was in my future. I had about a two-week window where I was trying to do as much research as possible. But sometimes, no matter how much research you do, it doesn’t prepare you for actually going through it. It’s just like when you when you watch a movie or you read a book or something, you can relate to the characters, but until you actually experienced that thing for yourself, you don’t always know.

The symptom that was the most bothersome to me was the joint pain. Also, I did experience some brain fog. That was one that caught me more off guard. As a graphic designer, I have to be somewhat creative. I found that I’d be sitting at my desk, trying to work on a project, and my brain just wasn’t working. Things weren’t connecting, and things that I could do on autopilot before were taking me like twice as long.

How did you approach dealing with your symptoms?

Of course, I stayed in close contact with my doctor. We had discussed prior to my surgery that I was going to go into abrupt menopause. So we were trying to get my hormone replacement therapy right as quickly as possible. I did as much research as I possibly could, but a lot of it is just trial and error, because what works for one person isn’t necessarily going to work for you or for another person. I was trying to figure out what to take what doses what methods.  Because with estrogen, you can take an oral pill, or you can do a patch, a cream, a gel, pellets. It can be like a little overwhelming.  You  just have try different things to see what sticks.

Do you have any advice for other women who are going through the menopause transition?

Listen to your body. You know your body better than anyone else knows your body. Talk closely with your doctor, ask any questions. I’m a type A personality, so I did a lot of research. And if I came across something I would make a note to ask my doctor. Or my doctor has an online portal where I can ask questions and the nurse will get back to me. You have to advocate for yourself. Note your symptoms and just be very proactive because, unfortunately, our doctors aren’t mind reader’s.

Know that you are like not alone. It’s okay. If you’re struggling, it’s okay. Some women don’t have as many problems, some have more problems. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to try different things – it’s not like a one size fits all. If one thing doesn’t work, it’s okay to keep trying and trying and trying and just don’t give up.

Are there enough resources for women who are going through menopause?

I’m grateful for the internet. I’m grateful for support groups. I’m grateful that I was able to find some information. But I had to be very proactive about it.

It is helpful for me to talk to other women who have gone through this or to hear their stories because you realize that other people that have been through this and survived. That’s kind of what helped me hold on in some of my darker days: “Okay, this woman had the same surgery I had. And she’s two months ahead of me and she’s doing great. I’m gonna get there, I know I am.” My mom went through this, my grandma went through this, every woman that’s reached a certain age has gone through this. They’re still here and they’re still thriving. It’s a transition and it sucks. But seeing that other women have made it and they’re okay – it’s very inspiring and gives you hope.

I just feel like we have a long way to go. Because half the population – we’re women. And we need more information about this, we need to be informed about it. We need to know what’s coming and not just like, “Oh, yeah, it’s this thing that happens. You might have a few hot flashes, and then you’re fine.”  Maybe for like 10% [of the population] or something. But most of us, we struggle.

If you could go back and tell yourself one thing about the menopause transition before you begin, what would you tell yourself?

Just be patient with the process.  Unfortunately, we want to just like, “Oh, I’m going to start estrogen, and I’m going to be fine.” But your body goes through a major, major change. The way you’ve been living your life for years may change. And it’s just an adjustment period. Know that it’s okay to be gentle with yourself and be nice to yourself and do a lot of self care. You will eventually get back to normal. In my case, I’m about to hit my six month mark, and I’m thriving. I had some really bad months, I’m not gonna lie. In-between surgery and now it was not roses and sunshine and puppy dogs and rainbows. But I got there. It just takes time.

I am 52. And I’ve got three kids and a husband. I enjoy baking, walks on the beach, and doing my Bible study meditation.

My feelings on menopause are complicated. I just thought it was going to be something that I might notice, but never really looked into it. I didn’t hear a lot about it from my mom, because she had a hysterectomy. Didn’t hear a lot about it from her mom, because they just didn’t talk about that. So I kind of walked into it a little oblivious. I need to pay a little more attention to it than I initially thought.

When I realized I was going into menopause, I was pretty sad at first because I really enjoyed having babies and that whole experience. Just knowing that that was definitely no longer an option was really sad. And it made me feel like I was entering . . . the final phase of my life. But those feelings went away and were replaced with other feelings. I’m gonna have time to do other things in life and be there for my kids in different ways and be a grandmother one day.

What were your early symptoms?

It started with a lot of a lot of brain fog. And thinking it was food-related .. . .Then the symptoms were more chronic. My periods were totally irregular, which was not common for me. I was doing a lot of spotting. Sometimes skipping a period, sometimes bleeding for two or three weeks. And so yeah, that was pretty much my clue that okay, something has kicked into gear. Also cramps are more significant now. I was getting very emotional.

After about eight months, I started realizing, oh, these aren’t things I can just sit back and let do their thing, because they were significant. And I started doing some reading on the internet.

Okay, so you want to hear my funny menopause story? I was trying to figure out what is going on with me and I hadn’t made the connection yet. I was like, I have cancer! Because everywhere I looked on the internet, if you spot, and if you do this and that. . .The internet told me, “You have cancer.” But I don’t –  I have menopause.  That’s why I was excited when I saw this website, because it just directs you to one place. So you’re not getting all this bizarre information.

I’ve started watching my diet a little bit more watching intake of sugar and caffeine, I realized those are things that can exacerbate the symptoms. And so, yeah, so little by little, I’m starting to talk more to friends and just kind of starting my journey.

I’ve even finally scheduled an appointment for next week with a gynecologist just because I need someone to talk to who can explain what’s going on with me. And, you know, how long is this gonna last? I’ve read 10 years, I’ve read some people don’t feel anything at all. And I’m like, What? I need more. I can’t just live the next 10 years of my life like this.

What would you tell other women?

The more I’ve embraced it, and looked at the beautiful things about it, it’s made it easier to engage in this part of my life, look into things to help, and be curious about it.

Take better care of yourself sooner. Like with eating, you know, but just because you don’t have to worry about it at the time, doesn’t mean that it won’t eventually be something that’s difficult. I think the sooner we can get ahead of bad habits, then the easier this part will go.